My DreamGirl and my problem....

I feel so left behind...
I have competition that I think has the upper hand. I dont know what is my standings and im expecting it to be really low in a way.
I dont say anything and when im around her I dont show her my true feelings.
I feel like that it will be a start of something very painful that i will have to endure again.
If there is one wish or prayer that I need answering, that would be that if (Madz) my dreamgirl, decides to whom she wants to be with, I only hope that she doesnt regret it in any way, bec i will be extremely hurt if she shed tears or be hurt by the decision that she will make.

My hopes for myself winning in this race is slim, and almost gone.
But the measures of my love for her will always remain the same,
as I said to her in a text message, I will love her for the rest of my life.
That is one thing I intend on showing even if i dont get anything in return.
GOD BLESS is all i can say, i hope she knows that i mean the best for her.

My Grandfather died today....

It seems so fresh when we burried my mother..
Now this saturday of april 29 2006, i recieved grim news of my grandfathers passing.
And now im left again with the phobia of being left behind by people i love.
It seems his strong will didnt last his ailing body.
It saddens me that such a thing happened again, when i am still mourning my mothers death.
Im really sad by the way things are.
I can feel my fathers sadness as he again failed to save another member of his family.
I was talking to him on the phone just a while ago... And he was shocked and sad about the whole thing, it is his father after all.
this leaves me in a deep thought. a thought that will make me question life.
at this point on, im relying on my alter ego to keep me going. I guess im weak after all.

Changes In My Life

It has been months since i last posted here.
My journal stopped as my life stopped.

I was mourning the death of four people that has roles in my life.
I lost every bit of faith in every bit of belief that i have in my bones.

Its tough! I have to admit that.
But what happened, happened for a reason.
And no matter how much i protest, I can never bring them back.

Time has changed since Jan 05, 2006.
I also lost my brother but alas i didnt.

phew!

Anyway Im glad to report that im back on track with new and repaired goals to mind.
Life must go on.
And faith must be fortified.

My Mom.....

I wanna cry but i have to be strong.
My mom... is in the hospital and she is in a tight spot.
she has T.B. and pneumonia....
she has to undergo a procedure that requires her to be penetrated with a rubber tube in her chest are in order to remove the fluids in her lungs... but she is to weak...
I pray to GOD that she gains that strength.. I wanna be by her side as always when she is in a tight spot. bec. among my brothers and i.. i am the one who has that much patience and strength to make our mom well again. GOD always stands beside me. Im crying coz im in alot of tension. im afraid. help me please pray for her.

Snowflakes in my heart!

Its destiny!

I was passing by when I heard you call.
The moment was so perfect when u smiled.
You touch me like no one else before.
You showed me care that i never had.
The moment was captured on a single glance, where you'll ask...
It's in my heart baby!

Everything i shared and said is genuine,
You wont see another man like me.
I differ because i care so much.
Look around you, and you will know why.

Baby I wanna touch your face. I wanna tell you i my own voice with my grace.
That you mean the world to me. And that every single connecting breath i have is because of you.

I promised you the promises because it is just.
It gives me something to hope for.
You gave me strength when i was ready to die.
You pulled me to your sweet embrace when i was cold.

You saw me cry when i was in tears,
you say me look you in the eye.
And that everything is meant with sincerity,
My boo it comes from my heart.

I am proud to love you wherever you may be.
I can withstand the loneliness when i want your touch.
All i can do is hope for the day.
We will meet someday somehow.
And that my promise wil not be stained...
It will happen one way or the other.



I want to see you touch some snowflakes.
I want to stare at you when you are smiling,
afterwards I will grab you and hug you..
And tell you the sweetest I LOVE YOU.
there will never be any goodbyes... its only gonna be see you l8ter for us..
for when i part i will still find you... you are the love of this life i carry.
I LOVE YOU SNOWFLAKES (IZHURA).

When things starts to fade... New things appear!

Just as I was going to step down and start a new path...
Something shined in front of my face...
A light... from the sky...
I asked why is it so refreshing to see this light...
Then my someone holds my hand...
she says "Hey. I told you it was for you!"
Then I cried...
It was her... the missing piece that I seek but cant yet have.
I embrace her as she said... If it is meant to be... you will see.
Then the fog takes her image slowly as I drift back to consciousness...
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I take paused and understand this message in the form of a dream...
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Before I opened my shop.. i was flipping the channel... then I suddenly stopped in a korean channel.. /ARIRANG/ .. there playing was our theme song.. the music video unconditional love...
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I just fell to tears as I hug the CD that she gave to me... its been two years since I held her hands.. felt her kiss..
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Im slowly fading... my essence is diminishing... my purpose is slowly being accomplished... and so my lifeforce slowly slipts away to the vast void of being empty...
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too many offers... but no genuine love...
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I was walking to buy food for my lunch..
As i was headed back to my shop... I gazed up..
it was a beautiful sky... but when i looked down.. i saw the same troubled world..
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I wish I will still have the strength to witness myself being incumbered with the majestic gift of GOD.. and that is love...
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If so not... then let this be my final memoirs to why I wrote a sad post this 4th week of september.
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I wish I could be in the picture...
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Imagine me.. sitting in the smooth grass and gazing at what GOD created... and someone very precious to me walks towards me and sits by my side...
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I guess that will never be... for my purpose is always to sacrifice...
GOD said to me in a dream... "everything that you sacrifice will make a dark hole fill up with light... so dont despair when you feel so left behind... because the more you make someone happy... the more your spirit shines.."
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Im trying to understand that upto now.. felt confused by it... (GOD was a tree in that dream... his leaves where so amazingly beautiful... and his roots felt like pillows as I lie down in his feet..
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CYBER INTAKE Now in Business!

Yep Yep.... After 2 cruel months of preparations, My very own internet cafe is now in business.... wooot... Now i can proceed to inevitable... the road to success... eventually I will be able to help those in need but first my family... Thank GOD for this.. IloveFATHERGOD! Hes the best!